Hamptons Quotes
Actual quotes heard last weekend in the Hamptons. I’m not making this up. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
“There’s Christy Brinkley and her husband Peter Cook at the craft fair!”
“That’s Blackhampton. That’s where the black people live.”
“His sister works with Calvin. (pause) Klein.”
“I only go to [name of bar] with my guy friends so they can hit on waitresses and au pairs.”
“When I first came out to my parents—-[interrupted]”
“God. Not that story again.”
“You might find something [a house] there for under a million.”
“She says armoire [pronounced “Ahm Whar”]. I’m used to like dresser or whatever. Cabinet. She tells me to look on the armoir. I’m calling Steve on the cell in the bedroom saying ‘What the fuck is an armoir!’”
“So. [laughing] Can I afford this? Am I broke?”
“I think you’ll survive this little $375 dinner.”
“Didn’t Billy Joel wreck his car again?
“Yeah. It [the ‘renovation’] is gonna triple the square footage.”
“You guys go ahead and start [dinner]. I’m going to try to get the surround sound working again.”
“So I told that bitch, ‘I’m a real estate broker not a concierge. If you think your pool man is lying to you, you can go over there and check it yourself!’”
“We were more of a martini family growing up.”
“There’s Paris and Nicky’s parent’s house. I think it’s for sale.”
“We asked a cop to drive us home.”
“What?!”
“This cop came up. We said we’re drunk, can you take us home?”
“Did you know there’s paper and boxes in the oven?”
“We don’t use that one.”
“Should we sit outside? We have chairs.”
“You didn’t like your fusilli?”
“It’s not at good as it used to be.”
“He seemed to like it.”
“He’s from Arkansas.”
“We have that good Russian vodka. We have Polish vodka. We have all kinds of vodka.”
“We only watch hi-def now.”
“That’s the Fowler house.” (Said on Fowler Road on the way to Fowler Beach.)
“I don’t have time to mess around with her piddley-ass ten-thousand dollar a week rental.”
“We went to the premiere of the new [somebody] movie. It was at the producer’s house. His home theatre sat like 200 people.”
“We’re going to Spielberg’s for a benefit on Sunday.”
“Whenever you buy a large flat screen TV, don’t get the plasma.”
“Yeah that magazine is everywhere. Here’s us in that magazine.”
“I’m not a big fan of trial lawyers.
(pause)
But I’m going to have to give my guy a call on Monday.”
August 21st, 2004 at 3:50 pm
What in the world were you doing on that planet? I hope you were wearing your good astronaut suit while visiting, you don’t wanna bring any alien germs back to Earth…
BTW, was it you liking the fusilli? How could you?!
August 26th, 2004 at 6:54 pm
We have some very good friends who are colonizing that planet. They are wonderful tour guides and keep us from getting hurt by the native flora and fauna. They actually make it a pretty good time.